A Final Farewell to Grandma

About 5 months ago, we got the word that Grandma had cancer.  She was ready to fight it and prove her doctors wrong.  But after a while, it had spread a bit too much and we knew that the fight would eventually end.  My Mom, God bless her, spent most of the last 5 months in Kansas taking care of Grandma...only coming back here 3 times for a couple of weeks, and even spending Christmas in Kansas.

Last Saturday morning, Dad showed up at my apartment to tell me what I knew would be the hardest thing I have had to deal with in many years.  Grandma had passed away earlier that morning.  Mom and Dad had agreed that a phone call wouldn't be appropriate, and Dad promised to come over and tell me in person.  My parents live 45 minutes away.  They just don't show up without notice.  When they do show up without notice, something is wrong...and when Dad showed up, I knew something was wrong...and I knew Grandma must have gone home.

Next month will mark 30 years that I've lived in Louisiana.  I'm originally from Kansas.  And to be very honest, I would love to move back.  More on that later.  Anyway, up until my freshman year in college, I was able to get back up there once a year for a two week visit or so.  More time would have been great.  But I took what I could get and was happy with it.  After that, I had to settle for trips that Grandma and Grandpa would make down here.  17 years ago was the last time I've been up there for a visit...and that was to bury Grandpa.  He died about 12 hours before I was able to get up there.  So even though I didn't get to say good-bye personally, I was there for his funeral...which was one of the hardest things I ever had to be a part of.  Now, seeing Grandma pass away is even harder.

When she was diagnosed with cancer and when Mom starting spending all her time up there, I made it a point to call Grandma at least once a week...usually on Sunday's...to check on her.  Up until a week or so before Christmas, we would talk only for a few minutes.  She was tired a lot and couldn't understand me that well over the phone.  That was the last time I was able to talk to her.  After that, the few times I would call, she was either sleeping or too weak to talk and I had to rely on my Mom to pass along my thoughts and love to Grandma.

I wasn't able to get to Kansas to say good-bye or to go to her funeral.  That was tough...and still is.  But I know she's not suffering anymore...and that's all that matters.

I have many memories, that I will take to my grave, of Grandma and Grandpa.  When I was still living in Kansas, I would spend weekends with them all the time.  Grandpa would take me fishing, and he even taught me how to shoot a bow and arrow.  In fact, in my mind's eye, I can still see where we would stand in the yard to shoot...and the barn where the bails of hay were at with the target.  I still have the first bow I ever used.  Grandma made the best fried tators.  That's hash browns for those of you who don't know.  They were the greatest thing ever...and I mean EVER!

Even though I have spent most of my life so far away from them and having gotten to spend so little time with them, they were two people who had a HUGE impact on my life.  Grandparents can't be replaced...especially when they play a huge roll in a person's life.  Leo and Helen Lewis will never be replaced.  They are greatly missed and I will always love them and will never forget them.

I now do everything I can to deal with this and get ready for Mom to come back Monday night.  Along with that, I try to find answers to so many questions that I have.  You have no idea of what's going through my mind and heart right now, and the emotions that I'm dealing with, and how lost I feel.  I wish I could put them into words.  But, I just can't.  I've tried.

As the title says, "A Final Farewell to Grandma", I'm sad that she's not here...but I'm happy that she's no longer suffering.  R.I.P. Helen Lewis.  You lived a great life.  Thank you for being such a huge part of mine.