Franchise's Island

Franchise's Island.  Yes.  It's EXACTLY like Gilligan's Island, but completely different.  Think about that for a minute or three.

The last few weeks has been the most unproductive time in recent memory.  There have been a lot of distractions.  Don't get me wrong, I've gotten a lot done in the last few weeks.  But there is so much that hasn't gotten done.  And the problem is that I haven't been very concerned about the work not getting done.  Some of it can be chalked up to burn out.  And for those of you who don't know, I am the stereotypical, self-confessed workaholic.  If I'm not working, I'm not doing.  If I'm not doing, then I'm not getting anything done.  If I'm not getting anything done, then I'm not fulfilling my purpose.  And if I'm not fulfilling my purpose, then, what's the use of it all?

I'm also a perfectionist.  I'm not perfect...never claimed to be.  But, I do strive for perfection in all that I do.  I strive to be the best.  And when I feel that I am the best at something, then I strive to be just that much better.

One of the things that I've prided myself at being really good at (for the lack of better phrasing) is being able to read people...and being able to read people better than anyone else.  Being able to read people and know their motives and know when and how often they were lying and when they were there just to use me and blah blah blah was something I really good at...I was awesome at it.  The word "was" being the keyword there.  For those who don't know or who haven't figured it out yet, trusting people hasn't always been one of my strong points.  And either I can't read people anymore, or the people I'm trying to read are stepping up their game and showing some skills.

Please note that the only reason why I spend so much time and energy trying to read people is to protect myself.  I've been burned many times...too many times actually...and I've gotten a bit tired of it.  Through all of the time and energy I've spent and, as of late, through all of the distractions (too many of them), I've begun to learn something that really doesn't set well with me.  What is it?  I've learned that I need to step back and take a long hard look at myself and do some serious soul searching...the kind of soul searching that one really doesn't like to do...EVER.  See, when things aren't coming together and aren't working the way you think they should, it's easy to blame others and the circumstances around you.  But something that really hit me earlier today is something that my Pastor has been talking about...hitting the reset button.  At times like this, it's time to take a step back...better yet, a few steps back...and hit the reset button and start from scratch.  And that's what I find myself slowly, but surely, doing.  And yes, it's harder than it looks.

Final thoughts...  I feel lost, empty, confused, and unsure about pretty much everything.  Ever feel that way before?  If you said "no", then you're lying.  If you were honest and said "yes", then do what I'm about to do...take a few steps back, hit the reset button, and see what happens.  Something good has to happen when you hit reset.